No Returns

Scientology: An Overview

This week, Alyssa and Kevin watch "Scientology: An Overview," a DVD found in a Little Free Library. They also discuss Going Clear, the HBO documentary. And if you're a Scientologist reading this, they are just jokin about it all!
Alyssa Savino is a writer, a pop culture enthusiast, and is "deeply Midwestern." Subscribe to her newsletter, Soft Earlobe, listen to her "mini-podcast" (often about snacks) Xylophone Break, and follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
Kevin Krein is a writer and host of the Anhedonic Headphones Podcast. His music writing (and some of his non-music writing) is on Anhedonic Headphones, or you can follow him on Twitter and Instagram.
Opening Credit Music:
“Western Wind,” written by Carly Rae Jepsen, ; performed by Carly Rae Jepsen. The Loneliest Time, Interscope, 2022.
Closing Credit Music:
“Too Much,” written by Carly Rae Jepsen, John Hill, Jordan Palmer, Noonie Bao, and Sammy Leighton Clay; performed by Carly Rae Jepsen. Dedicated, Interscope, 2019
Episode Music Credits:
"Alright," written by Pamela Valfer; performed by Kitty Craft. Beats and Breaks From The Flower Patch, Darla Records, 2024 (Reissue)
“The New Pollution,” written by Beck Hansen, John King, and Michael Simpson; performed by Beck.Odelay, DGC, 1996
“Greased Lightnin’,” written by Jim Jacobs and Warren Casey; performed by John Travolta. Grease, RSO, 1978.
“Bohemian Rhapsody,” written by Freddy Mercury; performed by Queen. A Night At The Opera, EMI, 1975. 
“Theme From Mission: Impossible,” written by Lalo Schifrin; performed by Larry Mullen and Adam Clayton. Mission: Impossible - Music From and Inspired by The Motion Picture, Mother, 1996.
“Incurably Innocent,” written and performed by At The Drive In. In•ter a•li•a, Rise, 2017. 
“Hard Lovin Woman,” written by Juliette Lewis and Chris Watson; performed by Juliette Lewis. Terra Incognita, The End, 2009.
“Violet,” written by Courtney Love and Eric Erlandson; performed by Hole. Live Through This, DGC, 1994.
 

The Magic World of The Amazing Randi by James Randi

This week, the No Returns pair attempt to bamboozle and charm their book club with tricks learned from this episode's text, The Magic World of The Amazing Randi by James Randi. 
Alyssa Savino is a writer, a pop culture enthusiast, and is "deeply Midwestern." Subscribe to her newsletter, Soft Earlobe, listen to her "mini-podcast" (often about snacks) Xylophone Break, and follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
Kevin Krein is a writer and host of the Anhedonic Headphones Podcast. His music writing (and some of his non-music writing) is on Anhedonic Headphones, or you can follow him on Twitter and Instagram.
Opening Credit Music:
“Western Wind,” written by Carly Rae Jepsen, ; performed by Carly Rae Jepsen. The Loneliest Time, Interscope, 2022.
Closing Credit Music:
“Too Much,” written by Carly Rae Jepsen, John Hill, Jordan Palmer, Noonie Bao, and Sammy Leighton Clay; performed by Carly Rae Jepsen. Dedicated, Interscope, 2019.
Additional Music Credits:
“Cowboys,” written by Geoff Barrow and Beth Gibbons; performed by Portishead. Portishead, Go!/London, 1997.
"Alright," written by Pamela Valfer; performed by Kitty Craft. Beats and Breaks From The Flower Patch, Darla Records, 2024 (Reissue)
“Strange Magic,” written by Jeff Lynne; performed by Electric Light Orchestra. Face The Music, United Artists, 1975.
“Do You Believe in Magic,” written by John Sebastian; performed by Aly and AJ. Into The Rush, EMI, 2005. 
“Magic,” written by Ric Ocasek; performed by The Cars. Heartbeat City, Elektra, 1984.
“Houdini,” written by Dua Lipa, Kevin Parker, Danny L Harle, Caroline Ailin,  and Tobias Jesso Jr.; performed by Dua Lipa. Radical Optimism, Warner Brothers, 2024.
“Abracadabra,” written by Stefani Germanotta, Andrew Watt, Henry Walter, Susan Ballion, Peter Edward Clarke, John McGeoch, and Steven Severin; performed by Lady Gaga. Mayhem, Interscope, 2025.
“Abracadabra,” written by Steve Miller; performed by The Steve Miller Band. Abracadabra, Capitol, 1982
“Mindfreak,” written by Scott Albert, Mickey James, and Christopher Sarantakos; performed by Criss Angel. Mindfreak - The Official Soundtrack, Angel Productions, 2006.
“Magic,” written and performed by Nick Drake. Made to Love Magic, Island, 2004.
 

My Sister, The Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite

IS BLOOD THICKER THAN WATER!?? Alyssa and Kevin will get to the bottom of it in this week's episode about My Sister, the Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite.
Alyssa Savino is a writer, a pop culture enthusiast, and is "deeply Midwestern." Subscribe to her newsletter, Soft Earlobe, listen to her "mini-podcast" (often about snacks) Xylophone Break, and follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
Kevin Krein is a writer and host of the Anhedonic Headphones Podcast. His music writing (and some of his non-music writing) is on Anhedonic Headphones, or you can follow him on Twitter and Instagram.
 
Opening Credit Music:
“Western Wind,” written by Carly Rae Jepsen, ; performed by Carly Rae Jepsen. The Loneliest Time, Interscope, 2022.
Closing Credit Music:
“Too Much,” written by Carly Rae Jepsen, John Hill, Jordan Palmer, Noonie Bao, and Sammy Leighton Clay; performed by Carly Rae Jepsen. Dedicated, Interscope, 2019.
Episode Music Credits:
“We Are Family,” written by Nile Rodgers and Bernard Edwards; performed by Sister Sledge. We Are Family, Cotillion, 1979
“Lady Marmalade,” written by Bob Crewe and Kenny Nolan; performed by Lil Kim, Christina Aguilera, Pink, and Mya. Moulin Rouge!, Interscope, 2001
“The First Cut is The Deepest,” written by Steven Demetre Georgiou; performed by Sheryl Crow. The Very Best of Sheryl Crow, A&M, 2003.
“Sympathy Is A Knife (featuring Ariana Grande),” written by Charlotte Achison, Ariana Grande, Finn Keane, and Jonathan Shave; performed by Charli XCX and Ariana Grande. Brat And It’s Completely Different But Also Still Brat, Atlantic, 2024
“Sisters,” written by Irving Berlin; performed by Rosemary Clooney and Trudy Stevens. White Christmas, Columbia, 1954.
“Theme from ‘Sister, Sister,’” written by Tim Heintz, Randy Petersen, and Kevin Quinn; performed by Carmen Carter.

Cooking Collectables

This week Alyssa and Kevin gather ingredients and prepare dishes from a 1979 church cookbook, Cooking Collectibles. Many things have changed in the kitchen, but fun cooking with friends is everlasting.
Alyssa Savino is a writer, a pop culture enthusiast, and is "deeply Midwestern." Subscribe to her newsletter, Soft Earlobe, listen to her "mini-podcast" (often about snacks) Xylophone Break, and follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
Kevin Krein is a writer and host of the Anhedonic Headphones Podcast. His music writing (and some of his non-music writing) is on Anhedonic Headphones, or you can follow him on Twitter and Instagram.
Opening Credit Music:
“Western Wind,” written by Carly Rae Jepsen, ; performed by Carly Rae Jepsen. The Loneliest Time, Interscope, 2022.
Closing Credit Music:
“Too Much,” written by Carly Rae Jepsen, John Hill, Jordan Palmer, Noonie Bao, and Sammy Leighton Clay; performed by Carly Rae Jepsen. Dedicated, Interscope, 2019.
Additional Music Credits:
“Cowboys,” written by Geoff Barrow and Beth Gibbons; performed by Portishead. Portishead, Go!/London, 1997.
"Alright," written by Pamela Valfer; performed by Kitty Craft. Beats and Breaks From The Flower Patch, Darla Records, 2024 (Reissue)
“Kitchen,” written by Solana Rowe, Cody Faye, Rudolph Isley, O'Kelly Isley Jr., Ronald Isley, Ernie Isley, Marvin Isley, and Chris Jasper; performed by SZA. Lana: SOS Deluxe, Top Dawg/RCA, 2024..
“Flicka Da Wrist,” written by Courtney Millburn; performed by Chedda da Connect. Chedda World: The Album, eOne, 2015.
“Pineapple Slice,” written by Tove Nilsson and Samuel George Lewis; performed by Tove Lo. Dirt Femme, Pretty Swede, 2022.
“French Fries With Pepper,” written by Mark Sandman; performed by Morphine. Like Swimming, Dreamworks, 1997.
“Slurf Song,” written and performed by Michael Hurley. Have Moicy!, Rounder, 1976.

Not That Kind of Girl by Lena Dunham

This week Alyssa and Kevin discuss Lena Dunham's book of essays, Not That Kind of Girl. They also touch on the overlap between this book and Dunham’s HBO series, Girls, and Kevin takes another quiz! 
Alyssa Savino is a writer, a pop culture enthusiast, and is "deeply Midwestern." Subscribe to her newsletter, Soft Earlobe, listen to her "mini-podcast" (often about snacks) Xylophone Break, and follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
Kevin Krein is a writer and host of the Anhedonic Headphones Podcast. His music writing (and some of his non-music writing) is on Anhedonic Headphones, or you can follow him on Twitter and Instagram.
Opening and Closing Music Credits:
“Western Wind,” written by Carly Rae Jepsen, ; performed by Carly Rae Jepsen. The Loneliest Time, Interscope, 2022.
“Too Much,” written by Carly Rae Jepsen, John Hill, Jordan Palmer, Noonie Bao, and Sammy Leighton Clay; performed by Carly Rae Jepsen. Dedicated, Interscope, 2019.
“Cowboys,” written by Geoff Barrow and Beth Gibbons; performed by Portishead. Portishead, Go!/London, 1997.
Episode Music Credits:
“Dancing On My Own,” written by Robin Carlsson and Patrik Berger; performed by Robyn. Body Talk Pt 1, Konichiwa, 2010.
“Heartbeats,” written by Karin Dreijer and Olof Dreijer; performed by The Knife. Deep Cuts, Rabid, 2002.
“I Love It,” written by Charlotte Aitchison, Patrik Berger, and Linus Eklöw; performed by Icona Pop featuring Charli XCX. Icona Pop, TEN, 2012. 
“With You,” written by Billy Mann, Andy Marvel, and Jessica Simpson; performed by Waxahatchee. Girls - Music From The HBO Original Series, Vol 3, Interscope, 2016.
“Kind of Girl,” written by Katie Gavin, Josette Maskin, and Naomi, McPherson; performed by Muna. Muna, Saddest Factory, 2022.
“I Do That,” written by Shan Poo, Jason Scott, and MTN; performed by Boy/Friend and The New Deal. Self-released, 2014.
“Barely Breathing,” written and performed by Duncan Sheik. Duncan Sheik, Atlantic, 1996.
“Same Mistakes,” written by Jake Rabinbach and Shannon Esper; performed by The Echo Friendly. Girls - Music From The HBO Original Series, Vol. 1, Fueled by Ramen, 2013. 
“Fool for Love,” written by Ben Schneider; performed by Lord Huron. Strange Tails, IAMSOUND, 2015.
“Problem,” written by Natalia Sinclair, Jeff Bhasker, Guillaume Doubet, and Sky Montique; performed by Natalia Kills. Trouble, Interscope, 2013

People Magazine - I Do! The Great Celebrity Weddings

This week Alyssa and Kevin crack open a celebrity wedding special edition of People Magazine from 2005 that likely spent years in someone’s basement, but made its way to them blessedly via Little Free Library. They discuss the fate of many of the couples featured, the extravagance of celebrity weddings, and even 2005 teeth trends versus teeth trends of today.
Alyssa Savino is a writer, a pop culture enthusiast, and is "deeply Midwestern." Subscribe to her newsletter, Soft Earlobe, listen to her "mini-podcast" (often about snacks) Xylophone Break, and follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
Kevin Krein is a writer and host of the Anhedonic Headphones Podcast. His music writing (and some of his non-music writing) is on Anhedonic Headphones, or you can follow him on Twitter and Instagram.
Opening Credit Music:
“Western Wind,” written by Carly Rae Jepsen, ; performed by Carly Rae Jepsen. The Loneliest Time, Interscope, 2022.
“Cowboys,” written by Geoff Barrow and Beth Gibbons; performed by Portishead. Portishead, Go!/London, 1997.
Closing Credit Music:
“Too Much,” written by Carly Rae Jepsen, John Hill, Jordan Palmer, Noonie Bao, and Sammy Leighton Clay; performed by Carly Rae Jepsen. Dedicated, Interscope, 2019.
Episode Music Credits: 
“Cannonball,” written and performed by Damien Rice. O, Vector, 2002
“By Your Side,” written by Sade Adu,  Andrew Hale, Stuart Matthewman, and Paul S. Denman; performed by Sade. Lovers Rock, Epic, 2000
“Lights,” written by Steve Perry and Neal Schon; performed by Journey. Infinity, 1978, Columbia
“Open Arms, written by Steve Perry and Jonathan Cain; performed by Journey. Escape, Columbia, 1981.
“Rexall,” written and performed by Dave Navarro. Trust No One, Capitol, 2001.
“God Only Knows,” written by Brian Wilson and Tony Asher; performed by The Beach Boys. Pet Sounds, Capitol, 1966. 
“Unchained Melody,” written by Alex North and Hy Zaret; performed by The Righteous Brothers. Just Once In My Life, Phillies, 1965.
“Only Wanna Be With You,” written by Mark Bryan, Dean Felber, Darius Rucker and Jim Sonefeld; performed by Hootie and The Blowfish. Cracked Rear View, Atlantic, 1994.

The Notebook (2004)

This week Alyssa and Kevin watch the modern classic, The Notebook, as found on DVD in a Little Free Library.
Alyssa Savino is a writer, a pop culture enthusiast, and is "deeply Midwestern." Subscribe to her newsletter, Soft Earlobe, listen to her "mini-podcast" (often about snacks) Xylophone Break, and follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
Kevin Krein is a writer and host of the Anhedonic Headphones Podcast. His music writing (and some of his non-music writing) is on Anhedonic Headphones, or you can follow him on Twitter and Instagram.
Opening Credit Music:
“Western Wind,” written by Carly Rae Jepsen, ; performed by Carly Rae Jepsen. The Loneliest Time, Interscope, 2022.
Closing Credit Music:
“Too Much,” written by Carly Rae Jepsen, John Hill, Jordan Palmer, Noonie Bao, and Sammy Leighton Clay; performed by Carly Rae Jepsen. Dedicated, Interscope, 2019.
Episode Music Credits:
“Cowboys,” written by Geoff Barrow and Beth Gibbons; performed by Portishead. Portishead, Go!/London, 1997.
“To Make You Feel My Love,” written by Bob Dylan; performed by Garth Brooks. Hope Floats: Music From The Motion Picture, Capitol Records, 1998.
“There is A Light That Never Goes Out,” written by Steven Patrick Morrissey and John Marr; performed by Trespassers William. Please, Please, Please: A Tribute to The Smiths, American Laundromat, 2011.
“I’ll Be Seeing You,” written by Sammy Fain and Irving Kahal; performed by Billie Holiday. Billie Holiday, Commodore Records, 1944.
“Love Song,” written by Elizabeth Grant and Jack Antonoff; performed by Lana Del Rey. Norman Fucking Rockwell, Interscope, 2019.
“The Luckiest,” written and performed by Ben Folds. Rockin’ The Suburbs, Sony, 2001. 
“Main Title” and “Overture,” composed by Aaron Zigman. The Notebook Original Motion Picture Soundtrack, New Line Records, 2004.

The Witches by Roald Dahl

For this week's episode, we read Roald Dahl's The Witches, as well as watched both the 1990 and the 2020 film versions! 
Alyssa Savino is a writer, a pop culture enthusiast, and is "deeply Midwestern." Subscribe to her newsletter, Soft Earlobe, listen to her "mini-podcast" (often about snacks) Xylophone Break, and follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
Kevin Krein is a writer and host of the Anhedonic Headphones Podcast. His music writing (and some of his non-music writing) is on Anhedonic Headphones, or you can follow him on Twitter and Instagram.
 
Opening Credit Music:
“Western Wind,” written by Carly Rae Jepsen, ; performed by Carly Rae Jepsen. The Loneliest Time, Interscope, 2022.
Closing Credit Music:
“Too Much,” written by Carly Rae Jepsen, John Hill, Jordan Palmer, Noonie Bao, and Sammy Leighton Clay; performed by Carly Rae Jepsen. Dedicated, Interscope, 2019.
 
Episode Music Credits:
“Season of The Witch,” written and performed by Donovan Leitch. Sunshine Superman, Epic, 1966.
“I Put A Spell on You,” written by Jalacy Hawkins and Herb Slotkin; performed by Screamin Jay Hawkins. At Home With Screamin’ Jay Hawkins, Okeh, 1956.
“Red Right Hand,” written by Nick Cave, Mick Harvey, and Thomas Wydler; performed by PJ Harvey. B-Sides, Demos, and Rarities, Island, 2022.  
“Evil Woman,” written by Jeff Lynne; performed by Electric Light Orchestra. Face The Music, United Artists, 1975.
“The Witch,” written by Matt Barrick, Peter Bauer, Paul Maroon, Walter Martin, and Hamilton Leithauser; performed by The Walkmen. Heaven, Fat Possum, 2012.
“Burn The Witch,” written by Thom Yorke, Jonny Greenwood, Colin Greenwood, Ed O’Brien, and Phil Selway; performed by Radiohead. A Moon Shaped Pool, XL, 2016.
“Witch Hunt,” written and performed by Wayne Shorter. Speak No Evil, Blue Note, 1966.
“Witchy Woman,” written by Don Henley and Bernie Leadon; performed by The Eagles. Eagles, Asylum, 1972.
“Witches’ Rave,” written and performed by Jeff Buckley. Sketches For My Sweetheart, The Drunk, Columbia, 1998.
“Reach Out (I’ll Be There),” written by Lamont Dozier, Brian Holland, and Eddie Holland; performed by The Four Tops. Reach Out, Motown, 1967.

Would You Rather?

To close out 2024, Alyssa and Kevin play a round of "Would You Rather" utilizing a discovered partial book. Additionally, they assemble a Costco-themed puzzle selected from a Little Free Library of puzzles. 
Alyssa Savino is a writer, a pop culture enthusiast, and is "deeply Midwestern." Subscribe to her newsletter, Soft Earlobe, listen to her "mini-podcast" (often about snacks) Xylophone Break, and follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
Kevin Krein is a writer and host of the Anhedonic Headphones Podcast. His music writing (and some of his non-music writing) is on Anhedonic Headphones, or you can follow him on Twitter and Instagram.
Opening Credits Music:
“Western Wind,” written by Carly Rae Jepsen, ; performed by Carly Rae Jepsen. The Loneliest Time, Interscope, 2022.
Closing Credits Music:
“Too Much,” written by Carly Rae Jepsen, John Hill, Jordan Palmer, Noonie Bao, and Sammy Leighton Clay; performed by Carly Rae Jepsen. Dedicated, Interscope, 2019
Episode Music Credits:
“Would You Rather,” written by Phoebe Bridgers, Marshall Vore, and Tony Berg; performed by Phoebe Bridgers. Stranger in The Alps, Dead Oceans, 2017.
“Question?,” written by Taylor Swift and Jack Antonoff; performed by Taylor Swift. Midnights, Republic, 2022
“A Long December,” written by Adam Duritz; performed by Counting Crows. Recovering The Satellites, DGC, 1996.
“Make A Decision,” written by Jessica and Camilla Stavely-Taylor; performed by The Staves. All Now, Nonesuch, 2024.
“Auld Lang Syne,” traditional; arranged and performed by Haley Blais. Self-released, 2020.
“Sympathy is A Knife,” written by Charlotte Aitchison, Finn Keane, and Jonathan Christopher Shave; performed by Charli XCX. Brat, Atlantic, 2024. 
“Hero,” written by Enrique Iglesias, Paul Barry, and Mark Taylor; performed by Enrique Iglesias. Escape, Interscope, 2011.
“Choices (Yup),” written by Earl Stevens; performed by E-40. Sharp On All 4 Corners: Corner 1, Heavy on The Grind, 2014.
“Bad Decisions,” written by Garrett Lee, Kevin Baird, Sam Halliday, Alex Trimble; performed by Two Door Cinema Club. Gameshow, Parlophone, 2016
“Puzzle Pieces,” written and performed by Saint Motel. Voyeur, OnThe, 2012.
“Puzzle Pieces,” written and performed by Evan Crommett. Self-released, 2018.
“In The New Year,” written by Hamilton Leithauser, Paul Maroon, Walter Martin, Peter Bauer, and Matt Barrick; performed by The Walkmen. You and Me, Gigantic, 2008.
“What Would You Do For A Klondike Bar,” written by Lynn Ahrens.

The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus by L. Frank Baum

It's a merry mid-December for us on No Returns! This week we discuss L Frank Baum's The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus.
Alyssa Savino is a writer, a pop culture enthusiast, and is "deeply Midwestern." Subscribe to her newsletter, Soft Earlobe, listen to her "mini-podcast" (often about snacks) Xylophone Break, and follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
Kevin Krein is a writer and host of the Anhedonic Headphones Podcast. His music writing (and some of his non-music writing) is on Anhedonic Headphones, or you can follow him on Twitter and Instagram.
Opening Credit Music:
“It’s Not Christmas Till Somebody Cries,” written by Benjamin Romans, CJ Baran, Carly Rae Jepsen, and James Flannigan; performed by Carly Rae Jepsen. Interscope, 2020.
Closing Credit Music:
“Too Much,” written by Carly Rae Jepsen, John Hill, Jordan Palmer, Noonie Bao, and Sammy Leighton Clay; performed by Carly Rae Jepsen. Dedicated, Interscope, 2019.
Episode Music Credits:
“Santa Claus is Coming to Town,” written by J. Fred Coots and Haven Gillespie; performed by Bruce Springsteen and The E Street Band. In Harmony 2, Columbia 1981.
“Santa Claus Go Straight to The Ghetto,” written by Alfred Ellis, Charles Bobbit, and Hank Ballard; performed by James Brown. A Soulful Christmas, King, 1968
“Up On the Housetop,” written by Benjamin Hanby; performed by Gene Autry. Columbia, 1952.
“Jolly Old St. Nicholas,” traditional; performed by Ray Conniff. We Wish You A Merry Christmas, Columbia,1962.
“(Everybody’s Waiting For) The Man With The Bag,” written by Irving Taylor, Dudley Brooks, and Hal Stanley; performed by Kay Starr. Capitol Record, 1950.
“Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer,” written by Johnny Marks; performed by The Temptations. The Temptations Christmas Card, Motown, 1970.
“Santa Tell Me,” written by Ariana Grande, Savan Kotecha, and Ilya Salmanzadeh. Republic, 2014.
“Santa Baby,” written by Joan Javits, Philip Springer, and Tony Springer; performed by Eartha Kitt. RCA, 1953
“Santa’s Coming For Us,” written by Sia Furler and Greg Kurstin; performed by Sia. Everyday is Christmas, Atlantic, 2017.